This article is for elderly parents and their children. It’s about a parent refusing help and how their children should respond. This is a common occurrence and unfortunately, can create friction between parents and children. First I’ll address the parent’s refusal to accept reality. It’s a fact that as we age, we lose our physical and mental ability. As we experience this normal aging process, we compensate by not performing certain tasks any longer such as climbing ladders. As time goes by, many tasks become unsafe to perform and so we stop doing them or have someone else do it for us. This can go on for only so long before necessary repairs on the house are ignored or those helping the parents are worn out. Eventually the parents’ children begin suggesting the idea of moving into assisted living. If the parent is unwilling or too stubborn to even consider the idea, the result is not good. The children can become frustrated and the parent thinks the children are just trying to get rid of them. When the parent refuses to accept reality and the children are wanting what is best for their parents, it creates stress and division. Once this happens, what was once a loving relationship breaks down resulting in anger and resentment on both sides. Eventually the parents may move into assisted living only because they have no choice due to their physical or mental health. Here’s the bottom line parents: We all age and may reach a point where we should consider assisted living. It’s not the end of the world to move out of your home into assisted living.
Parents…please accept your children’s advice and help to consider moving into assisted living. To the adult children of aging parents. Often times you are the primary caregiver. You willingly help your parents to remain in their home safely. As they age in place, you begin to realize this situation cannot last forever and something needs to be done. It’s not easy talking to your parents about things such as driving, personal care, finances, their physical or mental health, their home, etc. There is no one easy solution to a parents’ refusal to listen, take advice or make changes. I think it’s best to plant seeds and have loving conversations with parents well before they show signs of aging. They may be uncomfortable with their aging, but looking for opportunities at the right time to have short and sincere conversations are good. Be patient and kind and don’t push or dump on them. At some point, you may need to be firm and honest and take the “bull by the horns” so to speak. You naturally want your parents to make their own decisions. If they refuse your help or refuse to move into assisted living, you may have to be the “bad guy” and do what is best for your parents by making the decision for them.
Growing old and accepting reality is not for the faint at heart. Elderly parents, remember that it’s not just about you. Your children are affected by your aging in place too. Children of aging parents, remember that growing old can be difficult for parents to accept and adjust to.
Bob Goyer Community Relations Director
